How to get rid of fear and learn that failure can help you?

Fear and anxiety – one of human beings biggest enemies. Fear stops your self-growth, it gets you stuck. With a little bit of patience and practice, you can control your fear instead of letting it control you. That will make you stronger and more confident. You will be ready to take over your own life.

You can come across with different types of fear.

  • Fear of rejection

  • Fear of failure

  • Fear of successes

  • Fear of changes

  • Fear of repeating the past

  • Fear of worst case scenarios

  • Fear of losing control

  • Fear of spiders, flying, speed, heights etc.

First of all, you need to calm down your mind and body. I find very effective meditation and breathing exercises. Stop whatever you are doing, if possible, find some quiet place and focus on your breath. Slow, deep breaths. Inhale while counting till four and exhale again counting till four,  through your nostrils. Relax the muscles in your face, jaw, and tongue. Keep relaxed shoulders and stomach. Do it for 1-2 minutes. Go back to your normal breathing. Release your mind, but don’t try too hard. You don’t need to force yourself to clear your mind, you just need to observe things that are around you. Length of your breath, smell, noises etc. Do it for 3 – 5 minutes. I promise that after this you will feel calmer.

You can find different kinds of breathing exercises. For example, you can check out these 6 Breathing Exercises to Relax in 10 Minutes or Less from greatist.com

The best way to overcome fears is to deal with them. Get out of your comfort zone and every day try to do something you are afraid of. Start with baby steps, forcing yourself too much, will just harm you more. I am afraid of heights since I was a kid. During the years I have faced this fear several times. This summer I am planning to jump out with a parachute. Will I be scared? Damn right, I will, but I am not letting my fear to take over and stop me from doing things, which in perspective would give me so much.

Keep in mind, that 99% of times, it is not as worse as we imagined. Think positive. Let positivism take over. Read motivational books, watch uplifting videos and movies. Create affirmations and mantras and repeat them as much as you can. Be around inspiring people.

Prepare yourself. Set clear goals, write down your plans with a detailed description. Even better if you write down also backup-plan for each of your goal.

Take actions. Your mind will feel more relaxed if you will go after what you want.

At this time I dedicated myself to describe one of the fears – failure.

What is a failure?

“Failure is the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success.”

I would describe failure as a great experience to achieve our goals, and be the version of ourselves that we so desperately want to be.

  • Failure is absolutely necessary for your self-growth.

  • You shouldn’t expect to fail. When it comes, you need to accept it, learn from it and go forward.

  • It helps you to get out of your comfort zone and try out new things in your life.

  • It makes you stronger, makes you believe in yourself more than you did before.

  • Failure shows you if the goal you are after is what you really crave for.

  • It shows what kind of personality you have. Other you take it personally and you give up or you see it as an experience and great opportunity to try harder to achieve your goals.

Failure is fertilizer for repetition. One more thing about failure is that it pushes you to do things again and again and again. Skills are made of constant repetition. To develop your skills, you need to practice as much as possible.

Most people, which now are successful, went through failure. Without that, they wouldn’t be where they are now.

Due to the above, I would like to mention a book I recently read about well-known people and their success stories. A quotation from the book summary, “Throughout the publication, Gladwell repeatedly mentions the “10,000-Hour Rule”, claiming that the key to achieving world-class expertise in any skill, is, to a large extent, a matter of practicing the correct way, for a total of around 10,000 hours.”

It’s called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.

book_outliers

It helped me to see, not only passion and talent are important for an integral part of the success, as much it is necessary to develop your skills. A magic word – practice. Even most geniuses, before they succeeded, have failed.

It is a bit of everything – you, your talent, hard work and regularities.

Things you should do that disadvantage of failure becomes advantage:

  • Stop being afraid of failure

  • Notice it

  • Accept it

  • Analyze it

  • Learn from it

  • Keep on going

  • Never give up

A good example is driving a car. I don’t know any person, who first time at the wheel, at once, figure it all out. People make mistakes, car stops at the wrong moment, wrong turns, wrong speed and most of the drivers have had also a car crash. It didn’t stop them. It takes time and practice. As you can see, there is a lot of people driving around.

I had interesting experience referring to this. Practically speaking, I always have liked my feet on the ground.  I believe that human beings were made with feet for some kind of purpose. That was the way we moved around and it is the way it should be. Most of the times I am afraid to fly, go by boat, swim, dive, go by car or motorbike, as well as with a bicycle or deal with, whatever else, a vehicle is invented in this world. This fear restrains me from things that life can offer to me, so I force myself to overcome that fear and I take opportunities which come by. In that way, I have gained breathtaking experiences and knowledge.

And that magnificent feeling is absolutely worth it!

Now we can get back to the point of driving a car. In the beginning of this year, I had a crazy and fun experience to learn how to drive. I was on vacation in Thailand and my loved one made again one of his amazing surprises. He took me to a place, where I needed to wait for a woman, which came with car keys, introduced me to another person, made me sign some paper and told to drive. Till those words came out from her mouth I wasn’t exactly sure what’s happening and why am I there. I almost had a heart attack, OK, not really but for sure I was scared and frustrated because my ego appeared. For so long I tried to avoid this experience, and there I was, in a country so far away from anything which was familiar to me. Driving teachers could barely say few words in English. There was this, in my point of view, huge Toyota rav4 with manual shift. Even the steering wheel was on the opposite side (like in UK and Australia). As well as small villages with people and wild dogs and other animals, which constantly were on the road and didn’t give a sh*t if a car was coming or not. Highways with busy traffic and a lot of trucks, so I couldn’t drop the speed and I needed to go as fast as they did, plus they have this state of mind –  I am bigger, I have the rights. I overcame the fear, because small voice in my head said that behind the fear, it is what I want, and sooner or later I will need to do it anyway, so why waste the opportunity?

I didn’t get my driving license yet because I haven’t dedicated myself to that. Not yet.  I had an amazing experience in Thailand, I went to several driving lessons and now I know the basics, I am not afraid anymore and actually, I got quite excited about it. Now I have different priorities on my to-do list, but for sure, when I will have the possibility, I will get the license.

me-learning-how-to-drive

When it comes to failure, it is a huge challenge for our ego. It is in human nature to have denial, seek for excuses, be disappointed, feel embarrassed and feel hopeless.

After you notice and accept it, you need to analyze it, to have the best results in the future. You need to change failing to fail productively.

These steps may help you:

  • Try new things – you can notice a better opportunity to reach your goal

  • Feedback’s – listen to what others have to say about it and take the best out of, in that way you may find your solution.

  • Close down your emotional side – leave space for an analytical way of being till you get back on track.

  • Be open minded – if it didn’t work out in this way, it will work out in another way.

  • You need to be flexible for unexpected changes in your plans – the best way is to adapt

  • Add more details to your plan – figure out how much time you spent planning it, what are the solutions for upcoming problems, etc.

  • Have a backup plan – it will keep you going if something goes wrong

  • Go through your emotions – find out when and why you started to fail. When and why you started to have lack of motivation, effort reduction.

  • Be ready to put even more effort in it – new solutions, more working hours, pushing yourself even harder, getting out from your comfort zone, etc.

Keep in your mind that failure can be a key to success. I hope that some of this information was useful.

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